Counting Some Blessings

Most of you probably know that a few years ago (March 2007) my brother Jesse passed away. In October 2006, just before that happened, Elder Wirthlin gave my favorite Conference talk of all time. I had not given Elder Wirthlin a lot of thought prior to this talk--he had not been a particular favorite of mine--but I can now say my favorite (and the most poignant) conference talks I have ever heard have been from him. I loved this particular talk when he gave it and I love it now even more. It was called Sunday will Come. He spoke of his wife passing away and President Hinckley's words at the funeral.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said that it is "a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul."

Elder Wirthlin said, "He was right."

So too for me, was Jesse's passing. He had been my best friend--and my brother for so many years I couldn't imagine carrying on in the world without him. It was truly devastating, consuming and all encompassing for me. It broke my heart.

Luckily the talk continued.

"As Elisa was my greatest joy, now her passing is my greatest sorrow."

Speaking of the many sermons he has heard on the resurrection, Elder Wirthlin said: "We know what the resurrection is -- the reuniting of the spirit and body in its perfect form.... Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?"

Continuing, Elder Wirthlin explained: "When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the first fruits of the resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost their precious loved ones.

"I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.... It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God."

But the doom and despair did not linger, Elder Wirthlin said. "Because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

"And, in an instant, the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise. For Jesus the Christ, the Son of the Living God, stood before them as the first fruits of the resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence."

Each will have Fridays, Elder Wirthlin said. However, "in the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation. No matter our grief. Sunday will come. In this life or the next. Sunday will come."

This gave me so much comfort and such consolation at such a hard time. What a joy to know Jesse was not in pain. What a pain still for me that he was not with us. It was a few years later, at a time in my life when I could finally understand it that Elder Wirthlin gave another talk that was perfect in my life.

While his previous talk had in some ways prepared me for the lowest time in my life, this next talk gave me some perspective on how my life had changed. I still ache that my brother Jesse is not here with me--here to see my babies growing and learning. Here to see his beautiful children learning and growing into the astonishing people they will be... but I have come to develop a true testimony of a principle I was not previously familiar with.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss," Elder Wirthlin said. "That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

I wanted to take this opportunity to bear my humble testimony that this doctrine is true. I have seen it in my life. I have been so RICHLY blessed. Truly, everything in my life has gone perfectly. I wanted to take a minute and thank my heavenly father for some of my most select blessings.

The gospel in my life--the knowledge of a true and living God and a loving, perfect older brother who came to earth and died for me. What can compare? The Spirit testifies to me of the truth of the restored gospel and it gladdens my heart whenever I am sad or upset.

I have the most wonderful husband anyone could ask for... and he takes such good care of me. I love him with all my heart. He works so hard, he plays so hard, he loves me and the kids and I feel totally safe and secure with his goodness, his generosity, his support and his strength. Truly, the best thing I could have is such a big hearted example. I do not deserve the joy he brings me.

I have a beautiful, audacious, vivacious son. He is always teaching me things--he comforts me now if I get "sad". "Momma no sad. Momma be so happy" he has been saying while I type this--not understanding sometimes we cry with tears of joy. He is so big hearted--like his dad. He has BIG opinions--like his mom (and his Uncle Jesse). He is funny and smart and generally kind. He blesses my life.

I have a gorgeous, vibrant, sweet little angel of a daughter. She makes me smile, she makes me laugh. She showers her dad with kisses and rations them for me. What a wonderful blessing. We call her our perfect child because she really is. She is always happy--almost always pleasant and has the most adorable little mannerisms. I cannot imagine my life without my little bean.

I have a wonderful job! I never thought I would say that. My dad always said they pay you because it's work--so it's supposed to be no fun. That has almost always been the case for me. But, I absolutely love my bosses here. Imagine my surprise to discover that they want me to keep working for them from Oregon!!

We sold our house here! We didn't even lose (much) money! :-) It is such a relief to know that we will be able to move forward.

Whit found a great job he is excited about in a place we are excited to live. We feel so blessed that all Whitney's years of hard work and dedication are (literally) paying off. He will be able to help people like he always wanted, and be paid to do it.

We have a house in Oregon. We are excited and delighted to have such a beautiful home in our future, which such a fun yard, etc. I think the kids will have a wonderful time with such space and a pool, and a big yard.

I have a wonderful family. My list of blessings would be wholly inadequate without saying what a joy in my life my mom and dad, my darling sister and my golden hearted brother are to me. (I honestly do not know anyone who has a better mom than me. That's not an exaggeration--it's actually a pretty serious understatement). I could not wish for better sister in laws and I love them both like sisters. Plus, my kids have similar aged cousins who are the cutest, sweetest little imps in the world. Angela is hilarious (a super mom--literally, she has a cape and tights) and Linsey makes the cutest parent. Seriously, she's like a kid who also is a parent. I love you both.

How lucky can one person be? I love my in laws, too! Parents-in law, sisters in law, and even my brothers in law are pretty decent! :-)

I could go on and on, but I hit the highlights! I am so grateful for the law of compensation. I can't imagine that without a profound sorrow in my life I could ever have been so richly blessed. Jesse, I will miss you every minute down here in mortality, but thanks for pushing those blessing clouds in my direction.

-BG